Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
