Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
