I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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