Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
