I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
