so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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