Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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