girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
