Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
