I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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