I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
