I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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