we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
