Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
