Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
