and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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