Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
