i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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