Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
