You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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