maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
