I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
