Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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