were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
