1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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