Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
