You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
