I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
