She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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