my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
