how can u be prego again
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He felt like a one man threesome
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
