3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
