Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
