You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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