What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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