Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
