Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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