Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
