What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize