My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
