She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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