Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i don't like sucking hair
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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