I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
