We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
