3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
