I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
