You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
