I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
