he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
