did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
