My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
