If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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