break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
