I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
