I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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