I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
