P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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