Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
