So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
