Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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