I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
