you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
