I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
