You really coming over, don't trick.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
