STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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