Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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