Moan for me like Helen Keller
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
