There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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