I bet he comes in French.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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