Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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